You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
