R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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