I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
