Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
