worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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