turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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