Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
