we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
