remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
