HIV tests are more positive than that guy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
