I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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