I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
