idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
