I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
