I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
