I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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