filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
