Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
