there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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