i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
