I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
