yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
