Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
