I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
