I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
