I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
