Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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