it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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