your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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