wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
