it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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