Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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