Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
