Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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