Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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