Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
