So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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