I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i need some magic done to my vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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