She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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