You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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