it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
