i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
