In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
