piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
