Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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