Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We need to get me chipped asap
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
