grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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