I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
