He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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