i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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