some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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