there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
