carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
