I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize