Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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