You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
