brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
