He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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