sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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