Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
