I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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