My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
