But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
