Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
