I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
