it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just tell him i said nine months
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
