just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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