I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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