i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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