I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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