Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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