Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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